The full story is available for you to read here: IFILWYED.pdf I tried, I succeeded, I failed. I tried again, but with a greater sense of purpose and with a more introspective review of how I failed. I had to grow and I needed to stop hiding from myself as well as others. A cathartic experience, the key purpose of writing again became about the following:
Emotional Release and Inner Cleansing: I wrote this “I Fall in Love with you Every Day”, as a way to process the emotional distress and psychological harm I experienced. It became a space where I could finally voice the unspeakable feelings I had, allowing me to confront the turbulent and complex terrain of my inner life. I recounted the sleepless nights, the gnawing pressure, and the relentless emotional siege I endured during my leadership journey, especially the deeply personal wound from missing out on the Headship. The very act of composing this ‘symphony’ was my way of grappling with my human experience in the often-brutal reality of school improvement, helping me to cleanse myself of those pent-up emotions.
Gaining Clarity and Perspective (Cognitive Dimension): Through these writings, I embarked on a deep reflection, weaving in philosophical musings, practical insights, and candid self-assessment. My aim was to achieve holistic understanding and healing, and to reconstruct my beliefs from multiple perspectives. Writing the ‘Adagio’ movement, my personal and professional reckoning after the missed Headship, forced me into a period of intense self-doubt and painful reassessment. By articulating these experiences, I gained immense clarity on both my perceived failings and the genuine strengths that emerged from their shadows, ultimately understanding my journey more profoundly.
Healing and Processing: This work was fundamentally about seeking holistic understanding and healing, and about reconstructing my beliefs after what felt like a traumatic experience. Structuring it as a symphony provided a profound, and often subconscious, pathway for processing my emotional distress. The ‘Adagio’ movement, in particular, became a space for lament and reflection, allowing me to unfold my grief and quietly acknowledge my pain. Ultimately, the ‘Finale’ strives for resolution and catharsis, guiding me towards integration and a renewed sense of hope, which are crucial steps in my healing process.
Self-Discovery and Authenticity: This work represents a deeply personal and professional reflection, a necessary self-excavation. Through its pages, I’ve revealed my psychology, driven by a powerful blend of idealism and pragmatism, and my unwavering belief in the boundless potential of every child. I’ve openly acknowledged the resilience forged in adversity and the ‘scars and the steel’ that now inform my leadership. This writing allowed me to expose the lived realities of exhaustion, disappointment, and vulnerability, making my internal monologue visible and leading to a more authentic understanding of myself.
A Sense of Relief and Lightness: While I don’t explicitly state feeling ‘light,’ the overarching purpose of personal catharsis in this document inherently implies a profound sense of relief. By structuring my experiences as a symphony, aiming for resolution in the ‘Finale,’ I’ve sought to move towards a state of equilibrium and release from the burden of my past struggles. The continuous process of reconstructing my beliefs and striving to move forward signifies a shedding of emotional weight and a renewed sense of purpose.
I now offer what I feel was the most purposed aspect of writing “I Fall in Love with you Every Day” outside of the start, and that is the finish.
The Movements So Far: A Symphony of Purpose and Resilience
Like any grand composition, my professional and personal journey has unfolded in movements, each shaping its melody. It began, as all symphonies must, with an Overture – that daily, intentional commitment to “falling in love.” This wasn’t merely a romantic notion, but an active, philosophical stance against complacency, constantly re-engaging with the vital connections of pedagogy, people, and passion. It set the tone, introducing the overarching theme: that education, at its heart, is a continuous discovery, transforming routine into a symphony of purpose.
The First Movement, an Allegro of turbulent intensity, was marked by a decade-long odyssey at The International School, reborn as Tile Cross Academy. This was a raw, visceral period of wrestling with profound challenges, where Covey’s “seven chronic problems” felt like a direct diagnosis of the school’s very soul. It was a relentless fight for social mobility, fuelled by my own complex background and a fierce belief in justice, often against formidable odds. Despite moments of despair, there was also an exhilarating, restless search for equilibrium, finding fragile flickers of hope in small, hard-won victories. This was the movement of unyielding dedication, a crucible forging the very essence of my convictions.
Then came the Second Movement, an Adagio of profound lament. The Headship disappointment at Tile Cross was a deeply personal wound, profoundly questioning my value and principles after a decade poured into that space. It offered a necessary, albeit painful, space for reflection, acknowledging the emotional toll and processing the raw truth of an unmet aspiration. This was where the lyrical lines of self-assessment found their voice, prompting a crucial shift in perspective.
The Third Movement, a Minuet/Scherzo, emerged as a period of rhythmic shifts and evolving strategies during my transition to Saltley Academy. The landscape was different, seemingly “Good,” yet subtle echoes of past challenges resonated. My coping mechanisms shifted from crisis-driven salvaging to strategic patience and a deeper understanding of influence. Emotional intelligence became my indispensable tool, allowing me to navigate complexities with self-awareness, empathy, and a nuanced approach. This movement involved fragmented attempts to find new forms of release and impact, subtly recalibrating my leadership from direct mandate to relational influence.
Now, the Concluding Allegro is underway, striving for integration and renewed hope. The profound lessons learned resonate: dedication alone, however fierce, is insufficient without the adaptive power of emotional intelligence, trust-building, and true collaboration. The resilience forged in adversity has become a powerful testament, its scars etched into the very score of who I am. My unwavering motivation remains rooted in equitable opportunity for children, families, and communities. The hard-earned wisdom now fuels a pervasive culture of high expectations and distributed leadership, where every small breakthrough, act of teacher creativity, collective purpose, and refusal to accept limitations reaffirms that “falling in love” continues, day after day. The journey is far from over; it is a symphony in perpetual composition, its commitment renewed, its love deepening, and its belief in a more just future strengthening with every note.
The Fourth Movement: The Finale – Integration and Legacy
The curtain is not merely rising; it is receding. The preceding movements—the overture’s philosophical declaration, the turbulent allegro of Tile Cross, the reflective adagio of my Headship disappointment, and the nuanced scherzo of early Saltley adaptation—have set the stage. Now, the Fourth Movement begins. This is the Finale, a grand Allegro or Vivace, where all themes converge, where dissonances find resolution, and where the intricate harmonies of my personal growth and the collective flourishing of Saltley Academy intertwine into a resonant, unifying whole. This is the integration, the purposeful culmination of a journey that seeks to leave not just an echo, but a lasting legacy.
The Conductor’s Baton: Integrating Self and System
My capacity to lead Saltley Academy, to truly orchestrate its progress, is inextricably linked to the conductor within. The “symphony of the soul,” described in the overture, no longer plays a separate, internal score; it now harmonizes directly with the dynamic reality of school leadership. The obligato of my own growth – the lessons learned, the scars earned, the wisdom hard-won – is not a distraction, but the very essence that enriches the collective composition of Team Saltley.
I recall a moment early in my Saltley tenure when an emerging middle leader, bright-eyed and brimming with ideas, approached me with a proposal for a new pastoral initiative. In my Tile Cross days, particularly during its more chaotic phases, my instinct would have been to dive in, perhaps even take the reins, driven by that almost visceral need to ‘fix’ and to control. But the adagio of disappointment, the period of profound self-reflection after the Headship interview, had taught me the quiet power of the pause. Instead, I listened, truly listened, allowing his vision to unfold, asking questions that invited him to deepen his own thinking rather than simply seeking my validation. My emotional intelligence, honed through the fires of near-burnout and the sting of personal setbacks, allowed me to self-manage the instinctual urge to dominate. I could feel the familiar pull, the old patterns of wanting to be “Captain Ahab,” but I consciously wielded the conductor’s baton differently. I allowed the space, the silence between the notes, for his own melody to emerge.
This is the constant practice of integrating my inner self with my outward leadership. It’s about recognizing when my experiences or anxieties might color my perception and consciously adjusting the lens. The resilience forged in adversity isn’t just about bouncing back; it’s about the capacity to remain calm amidst the storm, to trust others, and to lead with a grounded presence. It means acknowledging the shadow of the “second fiddle” – that lingering feeling of being the supporting act – but transforming it into the strength of the “second violin section,” providing essential harmonic foundation and rhythmic drive, ensuring the entire ensemble flourishes.
Reflection for Leaders:
- The Conductor’s Inner Score: How conscious are you of your emotional state and personal history influencing your daily leadership decisions? Can you identify a recent instance where your past experience (positive or negative) subtly shaped your reaction to a new challenge?
- The Power of the Pause: In what situations do you tend to jump in quickly with solutions or directives? What might it look like to intentionally “pause” and allow space for your team members’ ideas and solutions to emerge first?
- Transforming Personal Scars: Consider a professional setback or personal challenge you’ve faced. How has that experience, though painful, ultimately deepened your empathy, resilience, or leadership capabilities? How can you consciously leverage this “scarred wisdom” in your current role?
The Meticulous Score: Elevating Intentionality in Action
In this Finale, ‘Elevating Intentionality’ is not merely a philosophical pronouncement; it is the meticulous score that guides every instrumentalist. It is about moving beyond reactive leadership, where we simply respond to the cacophony of daily demands, to a proactive composition where every note, every phrase, serves a deliberate purpose.
At Saltley, this has manifested in a thousand small, deliberate choices. I recall the shift in our weekly senior leadership team meetings. Previously, the agenda, though structured, often felt like a laundry list of immediate problems. Now, prompted by a conscious effort to Elevate Intentionality, each agenda item is framed with its “why,” its desired outcome, and its link to our overarching “Belonging, Connection, Purpose” vision. For instance, a discussion about persistent absence is no longer just about tracking numbers; it’s about intentionally exploring how we can deepen student connection to the school to foster their sense of purpose, thus impacting attendance. We might explicitly ask, “What specific interventions will elevate the intentionality of student presence, beyond mere punitive measures?” This simple reframing has transformed our dialogue from problem-solving to proactive vision-building.
One anecdote that vividly illustrates this was a conversation with a teacher struggling with a particularly challenging class. Her frustration was palpable. Instead of offering a quick fix, I intentionally steered the conversation to her “why” – why she became a teacher, what she genuinely believed about every child’s potential. We discussed how to intentionally re-engage those disaffected students, not just manage their behaviour. This led to her designing a project-based learning unit that allowed for greater student autonomy, a direct outcome of our intentional shift in focus. The ‘Who Am I?’ guide, in this context, serves as my personal score, ensuring my actions are consistently aligned with the values I espouse, making my leadership predictable and trustworthy.
Exercise for Leaders: The Intentional Agenda
For your next team meeting, review the agenda. For each item, ask yourself:
- What is the specific, desired outcome of this discussion/decision?
- How does this item align with our team’s/organisation’s overarching vision or values?
- What intentional actions will we commit to as a result of this meeting?
Share this refined agenda with your team beforehand, framing the meeting around these intentional questions. Observe how it changes the quality of discussion and decision-making.
The Persistent Dissonance: Combatting Complacency as a Continuous Practice
Even in a school deemed ‘Good,’ the insidious creep of complacency is the persistent dissonance that threatens to mute the symphony. It’s the comfortable inertia, the quiet acceptance of ‘good enough,’ or the subtle belief that past successes guarantee future triumphs. Combatting this isn’t a one-off battle; it’s a continuous, vigilant practice, a willingness to embrace healthy disruption.
I’ve learned that complacency often masquerades as efficiency. “That’s how we always do it” can be a siren song, lulling us into routines that, while functional, may no longer be optimal. An example of this emerged when reviewing our pastoral referral system. It was “working,” but upon closer inspection, it wasn’t truly capturing the nuances of student need; it was more of a data collection exercise than a proactive intervention tool. Challenging this status quo felt uncomfortable, especially for staff accustomed to the routine. There was a palpable “dissonance” – a resistance to change that was rooted in comfort, not malice.
My approach, echoing Kurt Lewin’s ‘unfreezing’ concept, was not to dismantle it immediately, but to highlight the opportunity cost of complacency. I presented anonymized student narratives, illustrating how the current system was failing to connect the dots for our most vulnerable learners. This created a new kind of discomfort – the dissonance of seeing a known problem persist when a better way was possible. We engaged in a series of “critical friends” sessions, inviting external leaders to review our processes, which provided an objective mirror. It wasn’t about finding fault, but about intentionally seeking the friction that sparks innovation. We asked, “Where is our comfort holding us back from truly serving every child?”
Reflection for Leaders: Diagnosing Complacency
- Identify an area in your team or organisation that is considered “good enough” but perhaps not “excellent.” What subtle signs of complacency can you observe (e.g., lack of innovation, resistance to new ideas, reliance on past successes, absence of critical self-reflection)?
- How might you intentionally introduce “dissonance” or healthy disruption to challenge this complacency? Consider using external perspectives, data analysis, or a structured “what if” exercise.
- What fears or anxieties might you or your team experience when asked to challenge established, comfortable norms? How can you create a psychologically safe environment for this necessary discomfort?
The Crescendo of Collective Potential: Championing Growth and Evolution for All
The Third Movement builds into a dynamic crescendo: ‘Championing Growth and Evolution’ for every individual and for the collective Team Saltley. It’s about moving beyond simply supporting development to actively cultivating an environment where potential is recognized, nurtured, and unleashed, leading to a flourishing ensemble.
This has been particularly vital in empowering our middle leaders, the “lifeboats” of the school, as I’ve previously described them. I recall a specific conversation with a Head of Department who, for years, had been incredibly effective within her silo. She was a master of her subject, but hesitant to step into broader school leadership. My challenge to her, framed within our ‘four movements’ philosophy, was to Champion Growth and Evolution not just for her department, but for her person within the wider school. I explicitly invited her to lead a cross-departmental initiative focusing on interdisciplinary projects, an area she felt less confident in but was passionate about. This was a deliberate act of distributed leadership, aligning with Alma Harris’s emphasis on dispersing leadership responsibilities.
The growth wasn’t linear. There were moments of doubt, setbacks where the project felt overwhelming. But my role, as the leader championing her growth, was to provide the ‘scaffolding and unwavering support,’ as described in my early Saltley reflections. I didn’t solve her problems; I provided the “philosopher in the cupboard” space for her to bounce ideas, receive affirmation, and, crucially, find her own route back to success. Witnessing her present the successful outcomes of that project to the entire staff was a profound moment – a true crescendo of collective potential where her individual growth ignited a broader sense of possibility within the team.
This also means fostering an environment where failures are seen not as endpoints, but as opportunities for learning. We’ve introduced ‘Learning Loops’ in our professional development, where teams reflect on initiatives, identify what worked and what didn’t, and, most importantly, articulate the ‘next iteration.’ This cultivates a mindset that is constantly evolving, embracing the “messiness” of change that Michael Fullan describes. It means the “second fiddle” can become a soloist in their own right, and the entire orchestra benefits from the expanded talent.
Exercise for Leaders: The Growth Trajectory
- Identify one team member who you believe has untapped leadership potential. Design a specific, time-bound project or responsibility that would challenge them to grow beyond their current role.
- During this project, consciously practice “coaching for leaders”: ask open-ended questions, offer resources, provide a safe space for reflection on challenges, and celebrate small victories. Resist the urge to fix problems for them.
- After the project, conduct a debrief focused on their personal growth, their learning from setbacks, and how this experience has shaped their leadership capabilities.
The Resonant Harmony: Inspiring Deeper Connection
At the very heart of the symphony, of any thriving human system, is ‘Inspiring Deeper Connection.’ This is the resonant harmony that binds individuals into a cohesive whole, transforming a collection of parts into a powerful, unified force. In education, this means fostering genuine relationships – between students, between staff, and between the school and its wider community.
The ‘Trojan Horse affair’ had left its indelible mark at Saltley, not just suspicion of leadership, but perhaps a subtle fragmentation within the staff. My initial commitment to ‘listening intently and without judgment’ was the first note in rebuilding this connection. I remember a particularly moving conversation with a long-serving teacher, her voice etched with the weariness of past battles. She shared stories of the school’s resilience, but also the lingering sense of being misunderstood by outsiders. Instead of offering solutions, I simply validated her experience, acknowledging the pain and the unwavering dedication that had kept her there. That raw act of empathetic listening, of truly “seeing” her, forged a deeper connection than any policy document ever could. It was an instance of the ‘Trust Equation’ playing out, building intimacy through vulnerability.
This translates into daily practices. Our ‘All adults at Saltley Academy are pastoral leaders’ initiative was, at its core, a call to ‘Inspire Deeper Connection.’ It wasn’t just about enforcing rules, but about every adult recognizing their role in fostering a sense of belonging for every child. Actions like ‘meet and greet from the door’ are simple, yet powerful rituals of connection, ensuring every student feels seen and acknowledged from the moment they arrive. Similarly, the ‘Unseen Contract of Our Houses’ seeks to build community through Scanlonian principles, where belonging is fostered through justifiability to others, and connection thrives through mutual recognition and respect.
The ‘RSA Pinball Kids’ report became a shared lens through which to discuss empathy and the systemic need for strong relationships with trusted adults. It reinforced that preventing exclusion isn’t about isolated interventions, but about a pervasive culture of connection, ensuring no child feels like a “pinball” bounced around a system that doesn’t care.
Reflection for Leaders: Cultivating Connection
- Think about a recent interaction where you felt a profound sense of connection with a colleague, student, or parent. What elements contributed to that feeling?
- What intentional actions can you take this week to foster deeper connections within your immediate team? Consider active listening, sharing a personal (but appropriate) anecdote, or offering genuine appreciation for someone’s contribution.
- How can you model vulnerability and authenticity to build greater trust within your team, creating psychological safety for others to connect more deeply?
The Enduring Motif: Scars and the Steel
The ‘Scars and the Steel’ are not static backdrops; they are the enduring motif, the persistent bass line that underpins the entire symphony. The emotional damage of witnessing systemic failure at Tile Cross, the brutal sting of the missed Headship – these are not just memories but lived experiences that continue to shape the very fibre of my leadership at Saltley.
The psychological toll of that Headship failure, the ‘seismic tremor’ that questioned my very worth, forced a brutal inventory. Yet, it was in that introspection, that ‘Adagio’ of personal reassessment, that the ‘steel’ was truly forged. I learned that dedication alone, while a powerful engine, is not enough. It requires a shrewd awareness of organizational politics, an understanding of the intricate dance between individual effort and systemic forces, and a profound resilience to absorb blows and continue the fight. This personal crucible has gifted me a unique lens: a deeper empathy for those who feel unseen, undervalued, or overlooked. When a colleague expresses frustration about a perceived injustice, I hear the echoes of my own past; my response is tempered by that hard-won understanding, allowing me to lead with both compassion and strategic resolve.
I confess, the ‘fading echo’ of enthusiasm can still make an appearance, particularly when confronted with familiar patterns of inertia or resistance. Yet, the ‘Four Movements’—Elevate Intentionality, Combat Complacency, Champion Growth and Evolution, and Inspire Deeper Connection—serve as my personal compass for re-engagement. When I feel that subtle drift towards apathy, I consciously invoke the mantra: “With intention, I choose a spark. Against complacency, I seek a small challenge. For growth, I embrace a tiny step forward. Through connection, I offer a moment of presence.” This is my ‘mantra or prayer,’ a daily act of recalibration to reignite the inner fire.
The struggle with the ‘second fiddle’ identity persists, a quiet counterpoint in the symphony. Am I destined to always be the unsung harmony? The analysis of the Deputy Head as the “orchestra’s second violin” resonates profoundly. It speaks to the vital, indispensable contribution that is often felt more than seen, the harmonic foundation that allows the main melody to soar. My aim is not to escape this role, but to master it, to wield that second violin with such precision and power that its contribution is undeniable, a quiet revolution of profound impact. This involves accepting the unique demands of this position, leveraging my influence to strengthen the collective, rather than seeking the spotlight.
Reflection for Leaders: Embracing the Scars
- How do your past professional or personal “scars” manifest in your current leadership? Are they sources of wisdom, triggers for defensiveness, or both?
- What is your personal “mantra” or daily practice for reigniting your enthusiasm or recalibrating your perspective when faced with setbacks or the mundane?
- Consider the concept of being a ‘second fiddle’ or ‘second violin’ in your context. How can you leverage this position to provide essential “harmonic foundation” and drive, even when not carrying the primary melodic line?
The Final Cadenza: Legacy and Future
The Final Cadenza of this Fourth Movement looks beyond the immediate, towards the legacy of this symphony and its enduring future. It is not about a definitive end, but about the profound resonance that continues long after the final note, the impact that transcends my direct involvement.
My ultimate aim is to cultivate a self-sustaining ‘Team Saltley,’ where the ‘Four Movements’ are not merely my guiding principles but deeply ingrained in the collective ethos. I envision a school where ‘Elevated Intentionality’ is practiced by every leader, from the classroom to the boardroom, ensuring every decision is purposeful and aligned. I see a culture where ‘Combatting Complacency’ is a shared responsibility, where healthy challenge and continuous improvement are celebrated, not feared. I aspire to a system where ‘Championing Growth and Evolution’ is a systemic imperative, where every student and staff member is empowered to reach their full potential, and where leadership capacity is organically developed at every level, ensuring a robust pipeline for the future. And most importantly, I dream of a community where ‘Deeper Connection’ is the very fabric of daily life, fostering profound trust, empathy, and a shared sense of belonging for all.
This requires preparing leaders for what I term the “third movement” – a future demanding agility, distributed responsibility, and a deep sense of collective purpose. The forthcoming leadership away day is a crucial crucible for this: a space to liberate us from “Team Previous” habits and allow new leaders to shine. My role now is less about conducting every instrument and more about ensuring the orchestra understands the score, trusts each other, and possesses the collective will to play on, even when the conductor’s baton is passed.
My legacy, then, won’t be defined by titles or individual achievements, but by the collective’s strength and resilience. It’s about empowering others to compose their own compelling movements, to lead with courage, empathy, and integrity. It’s about ensuring that the ‘Alchemy of Belief’—the forging of a post-traumatic pedagogy from a crucible of thinkers and lived experience—continues to transform lives long after my direct involvement.
The ‘Siren Song of Self,’ the pervasive consumerism that threatens to eclipse citizenship, remains a significant challenge. My commitment, as outlined in my meta-commentary on Birmingham, is to foster citizens, not just consumers. This means instilling critical thinking, empathy, and a profound understanding that their role extends far beyond the marketplace. This is the ultimate purpose of this symphony: to help compose a more just, connected, and flourishing society—one child, one leader, one intentional act at a time.
The ‘Echo of Pala,’ Aldous Huxley’s utopian vision of intentionality, mindfulness, and growth, resonates as my distant North Star. My belief in ‘I Fall in Love with You Every Day’ is the enduring commitment to this ideal, a daily recommitment to seeing anew, appreciating nuances, and consciously strengthening the bonds that define our existence. It is the wisdom gained through ‘The Unseen Curriculum’ of John Berger and the ‘Black Box of Learning’ of Dylan Wiliam: to see beyond the metrics, peer into the human story, and demystify the learning process.
The ‘Alchemy of Belief’ continues, drawing from the stark societal critiques of Marx and Curtis, the neurobiological insights of Zak, the humanistic wisdom of Berger and Katz, and the practical strategies of Wiliam and Taylor. This eclectic mix is my crucible, continually refining my post-traumatic pedagogy, seeking holistic understanding, healing, and resonance.
The final act of any great symphony is not just about bringing the music to a close, but about creating an indelible impression, a resonance that lingers in the listener’s soul long after the final chord fades. My aspiration is that this unfolding symphony of leadership and learning leaves such a resonance. That the principles of ‘Elevate Intentionality,’ ‘Combat Complacency,’ ‘Champion Growth and Evolution,’ and ‘Inspire Deeper Connection’ become the very fabric of Saltley Academy. That the dedication to ‘The Adult Imperative,’ the insistence on ‘The High Press,’ and the wisdom gleaned from ‘The Unseen Contract of Our Houses’ are not merely strategies but deeply embedded cultural practices.
The journey of school improvement is, as I’ve confessed, a “relentless, often brutal, reckoning.” The ‘Scars and the Steel’ forged in Tile Cross continue to inform my path. The ‘Dark Triad’ of destructive habits serves as a constant reminder of the shadow side of leadership, against which my ‘Four Movements’ are the potent antidote.
The ‘Second Movement’ of personal disappointment, the ‘melancholy’ of the missed Headship, had to be embraced, but it also had to end. It was the necessary dissonance that led to a richer harmony. The “crossroads” of whether to be explicit about my personal reflections or to keep the focus solely on “them” has, I hope, found its resolution in this unfolding narrative. My journey is not separate from theirs; it is an “unfolding symphony” where my growth harmonizes with theirs, an “obligato” enriching the whole.
The ‘Art of Smiling Through Gritted Teeth’ in communication, the careful balancing act of transparency and empathy amidst flux, will remain a constant practice. It is the recognition that leading change is an act of emotional diplomacy, guiding the ship forward while acknowledging the very human discomfort of the journey.
And so, the commitment deepens. The decision to stay at Saltley, initially a “tentative dip,” has solidified into something profound. It’s about seeing the long-term impact of subtle cultural shifts, the gradual improvement in student lives and staff well-being. It’s about embracing the opportunity to cultivate a truly collaborative leadership team, united by a shared vision.
This concludes the “overture” to my next stage of deep introspection and development. My journey continues, not as a linear ascent, but as a circular dance of learning, adapting, and growing. The fight for better outcomes for the children of Birmingham remains the unwavering north star, now pursued with a more tempered idealism, but with an even deeper resolve forged in the crucible of personal experience. The “Alchemy of Adaptation” continues, where emotional intelligence is refined and applied with greater precision and wisdom. The leadership is not about a destination, but a continuous journey, a persistent “falling in love every day.”
Reflection for Leaders: Composing Your Legacy
- The Unwritten Movements: What “movements” are yet to unfold in your leadership journey or in your team’s development? How can you proactively begin to compose them?
- Legacy Beyond Title: If your leadership were a symphony, what enduring “resonance” would you want it to leave in the lives of those you lead and serve? How can your daily actions contribute to that desired legacy?
- The Symphony’s Continuation: How are you actively preparing your team or organisation to continue its “symphony” of purpose and growth, even if you are no longer the primary conductor? What steps can you take to foster truly distributed and self-sustaining leadership?
- Personal and Professional Harmony: How do you actively ensure your personal values and growth remain harmonized with your professional leadership? What practices help you integrate your inner self with your outer impact?
A Personal Cadenza: Beyond Prediction, Towards Catharsis
This concluding movement, the Finale of my leadership symphony, finds its true purpose not in predicting the future, but in a deeper, more profound act: personal catharsis. The words laid bare within these pages are not a strategic blueprint for what comes next for Philip Edmundson or Saltley Academy. Instead, they are the very act of processing, of understanding, of a leader grappling with his own human experience in the relentless, often brutal, reckoning that is school improvement. This has been a deeply introspective journey, a necessary self-excavation to understand my own perceived failings and, in doing so, to illuminate the genuine strengths that have emerged from their shadows.
The ‘Scars and the Steel’ that inform my leadership are not merely abstract concepts; they are the lived realities of exhaustion, disappointment, and the stark recognition of professional vulnerability. The initial desire to ‘fix’ everything, the impatience for immediate results that often characterized my earlier Tile Cross years, were indeed failings. They led to moments where I might have been overly direct, perhaps even dismissive of slower, more organic processes, driven by an almost visceral need to prove worth. The sting of the missed Headship, in particular, forced an unflinching mirror onto these aspects of my character. It revealed an ego bruised by unmet aspiration, and a reliance on sheer dedication that, while powerful, was insufficient on its own. Yet, in confronting these very limitations, a new kind of strength was forged. The ‘Adagio’ of personal reassessment taught me the quiet power of the pause, transforming that initial impatience into strategic patience, that need for control into a profound trust in others’ capabilities. It allowed the latent strengths of empathy—honed from my own complex background—to truly flourish, offering a deeper understanding of those who feel unseen or undervalued. My resilience, previously a raw, almost frantic survival mechanism, matured into a grounded presence, able to remain calm amidst the storm, trusting in the collective, rather than feeling solely responsible for carrying the weight. This writing, then, is the very act of forging that steel, of processing the heat and pressure of past experiences into a refined and purposeful leadership. It is my internal monologue made visible, a testament to the fact that genuine growth stems from an honest appraisal of our imperfections.
The Orchestral Score Shared: Collaboration Through Anonymity
If this narrative is a personal cadenza, then its sharing is a profound gesture of collaboration through anonymity. This is not a memoir published for personal accolade, nor a prescriptive guide to be followed blindly. Instead, it is an offering – a piece of my professional and personal score, anonymously shared, inviting others to find echoes of their own journeys, to draw parallels, and to engage in a deeper, more honest dialogue about the realities of leading and teaching in education. It is a quiet call for a more “graduate profession” view of our work.
Like any established profession – medicine, law, engineering – education is complex, nuanced, and inherently human. Yet, unlike some, it often lacks consistent, safe spaces for vulnerability, for the candid discussion of not just successes, but also the messy, challenging, and sometimes deeply disheartening failures. My intent in sharing these reflections, stripped of the immediate context of my personal identity, is to contribute to a collective wisdom. Imagine a vast orchestra where individual musicians, after a performance, don’t just critique the final sound, but openly share their practice routines, their struggles with difficult passages, their moments of doubt, and their strategies for mastering their instrument. This is the essence of what I advocate: a professional dialogue in education where insights are valued for their substance, for their capacity to illuminate common challenges and shared solutions, rather than being filtered through the lens of individual reputation or hierarchy.
This approach is about demystifying leadership. It’s about pulling back the curtain on the often-private struggles that every leader faces, regardless of their title. When we, as educators, are willing to engage in such authentic, vulnerable self-reflection and share it (even anonymously), we create a culture where learning from experience becomes a collective endeavour. It normalizes the struggles, celebrates the resilience, and builds a powerful foundation of mutual respect and understanding. This collective learning, born from shared introspection, is a far more potent force for professional growth than any top-down directive or external audit. It elevates our craft from a series of individual performances to a truly collaborative and continuously improving symphony of professional practice. It underscores that we are not lone conductors, but part of an ensemble, where each part, each personal score, enriches the collective masterpiece.
The Symphony’s Invulnerability: An Internal Fortification
What happens next for me, or for Saltley, is ultimately a continuation of this unfolding process, not a final purpose of this writing. The true purpose lies in fortifying the very profession of education. For far too long, our educational “symphony” has been buffeted by the “dissonances” of external forces: the ever-shifting sands of government dogma, the capricious winds of civil service directives, the unpredictable gusts of political whim, and the profound, often challenging, shifts in cultural baggage within our 21st-century British society. These are constant threats, capable of muting our harmonies, fragmenting our efforts, and ultimately, undermining our core purpose. The only way we can make the profession truly invulnerable to these slings and arrows requires an internal fortification, a cultivation of unwavering strength from within.
This invulnerability is composed of three interconnected elements: personal renewal, professional resilience, and an unwavering dedication to the cause.
- Personal Renewal as an Inner Cadenza: At the heart of this fortification lies the individual educator, the single instrument in the vast orchestra. The ‘fading echo’ of enthusiasm, that subtle drift towards apathy, is a constant threat in a demanding profession. My belief in ‘I Fall in Love with You Every Day’ is more than a mantra; it is my daily act of personal renewal, a conscious recommitment to seeing anew, to appreciating the nuances in every child, every lesson, every interaction. This involves deliberate self-care, a recalibration of perspective when faced with setbacks, and a relentless pursuit of the passion that first drew me to this calling. It is the understanding that my personal well-being is not a luxury but a prerequisite for sustained leadership. When individual educators are renewed, when their inner cadenza is vibrant and strong, they form an impervious shield against disillusionment and burnout, ensuring their instrument remains finely tuned despite external pressures.
- Professional Resilience as Collective Fortissimo: The ‘Scars and the Steel’ forged in Tile Cross, the brutal sting of the missed Headship – these are not just my personal experiences, but a microcosm of the challenges every educator faces in various forms. Professional resilience is the collective ability of the profession to absorb these shocks, to learn from systemic failings, and to share strategies for navigating adversity without being broken. My ‘Four Movements’—Elevate Intentionality, Combat Complacency, Champion Growth and Evolution, and Inspire Deeper Connection—become not just my personal compass, but a collective operational framework. When these principles are deeply ingrained in the ethos of Team Saltley, they provide an internal stability and adaptability that resists external imposition. ‘The Adult Imperative,’ ‘The High Press,’ and the ‘Unseen Contract of Our Houses,’ initially conceived as practical strategies, are ultimately expressions of an internally driven commitment to excellence that stands firm against external pressures. They are the collective fortissimo, a unified response that declares the profession’s unwavering commitment to its own standards, regardless of the political climate.
- Dedication to the Cause as the Unwavering Bass Line: The most profound anchor against external whims and shifting tides is an unwavering dedication to the cause itself. My deeply ingrained conviction for social mobility, for ensuring that every child in Birmingham—regardless of their complex background—has the equitable opportunity to flourish, is the unwavering bass line that underpins this entire symphony. This moral imperative, this North Star, provides an intrinsic motivation that transcends fleeting political trends or narrow, metric-driven agendas. It is the ‘Alchemy of Belief’ continuing, driven by an inherent purpose that is far deeper than external recognition or compliance. When the collective dedication of the profession to its core moral purpose is absolute, it creates an internal gravity that pulls all efforts towards true student flourishing, making it fundamentally impervious to distractions and manipulations from outside forces. The profession, like a perfectly tuned, self-regulating orchestra, becomes so focused on perfecting its internal harmony and achieving its inherent purpose that, while aware of external storms, it remains unyielding, able to weather major tempests and continue its vital composition.
The Concluding Movement: A Perpetual Overture
And so, the journey continues, not as a linear ascent towards a final destination, but as a circular dance of learning, adapting, and growing. This symphony is never truly finished; it is always composing itself, each challenge a new motif, each resolution a fresh harmony. My reflections, my “movements,” are not a grand pronouncement, but a perpetual overture to what is always coming next—the ongoing work, the deepening commitment, and the relentless pursuit of educational justice.
The fight for better outcomes for the children of Birmingham remains the unwavering north star, now pursued with a more tempered idealism, but with an even deeper resolve forged in the crucible of personal experience. The “Alchemy of Adaptation” continues, where emotional intelligence is refined and applied with greater precision and wisdom. This leadership is not about a destination, but a continuous journey, a persistent “falling in love every day.”
For the reader, for every leader, for every educator, this narrative is an invitation. An invitation to engage in your own profound act of reflection, to consider your own unwritten movements. What movements are yet to unfold in your leadership journey or in your team’s development? How can you proactively begin to compose them? What enduring resonance would you want your leadership symphony to leave in the lives of those you lead and serve? How are you actively preparing your team or organization to continue its symphony of purpose and growth, even if you are no longer the primary conductor? And how do you actively ensure your personal values and growth remain harmonized with your professional leadership, integrating your inner self with your outer impact?
May your own symphonies of purpose and resilience play on, inspiring profound change, one intentional act at a time.
The Authentic Leader 