The Authentic Leader

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary…

I sometimes have the huge capacity to get in my own way; we all have the capacity for self-sabotage; by using the mantra, the commitment to elevate intentionality, combat complacency, champion growth, and inspire deeper connections, I might have a way forward for me and possibly for you. Who knows?

The first half-term ended with some health matters, which was not the glorious conclusion that I was planning. Being open with you as well, it really played to my own anxiety of not being there at the point where everyone needs the help, or at least, as many boots on the ground, as possible. Guilt being the cement boots that drag us all down to the river bed.

Time away has allowed me to reflect; reflection creates a plan and this is what I feel that I have assessed about myself as a leader and how I will attempt to do better.

1. Running over people’s input because I’ve already decided the answer

The Problem: I ask for opinions constantly. In the main, I do it to challenge leaders at all levels about assumptions and hope it strengthens how they may well approach the situation. In my mind, it is about owning the issue, whatever it may be, and not having me or another ‘sage like’ leader deciding they don’t necessarily believe in and then have someone else to blame if things don’t go according to plan. I do recognise that sometimes I’m waiting for someone to validate my conclusions. I mentally catalogue why differing perspectives are “wrong” and explain why my logic is better. What I don’t want is any member of my team to stop bringing ideas.

The Action I Need to Take (Elevate Intentionality / Combat Complacency):

• What specific steps will I take to truly listen before responding?
  • I will adopt the “2-second rule”: After someone finishes speaking, I will wait a full two seconds before I open my mouth. This prevents me from forming my rebuttal while they are still talking.
  • I will make the practice of restating: “So, what I hear you saying is [summarise their point]. Did I get that right?” before sharing my own perspective.
• How will I track my own speaking time vs. listening time in the next meeting?
  • I will use a simple tally sheet or an app on my phone to track how many times I interrupt or dominate the discussion (aiming for less than 25% of the total time). I will reflect, learn and hopefully grow.

2. Treating emotions like malfunctions that slow down progress

The Problem: If someone is upset, sometimes my instinct is to use logic to explain why their feelings are based on a misunderstanding of the facts. Dismissing how people feel teaches my team that I don’t care about the human cost of my decisions. They may well call my “objectivity” cold. They might not tell me to my face, possibly because I will use logic to tell them they are wrong. No-one wants Spock when the dog has passed away.

The Action I Need to Take (Inspire Deeper Connections):

• Instead of explaining, what is one validating phrase I can use next time someone shares a tough emotion?
  • “That sounds incredibly frustrating, and I can see why you feel that way. Thank you for bringing the human context into this.” (This prioritises empathy before problem-solving.)
• How will I explicitly factor in the human impact of my next major decision?
  • I will add a mandatory final bullet point to my decision-making checklist: People Impact & Mitigation. I will list who will be most affected by the change and what resources (time, emotional support, training) I will dedicate to helping them adapt.

3. Confusing brutal honesty with leadership courage

The Problem: I pride myself on “telling people exactly what they need to hear,” but my directness can land like contempt. When I point out a mistake, I’m diminishing them instead of helping them improve. The cost of my efficiency is their confidence. My efficiency is long established; their professional growth must be paramount.

The Action I Need to Take (Champion Growth):

• How can I reframe critical feedback to focus on the desired future state (growth) instead of the past mistake?
  • I will shift the language from: “The report was messy and late,” to: “I have high expectations for you. For our next deliverable, let’s focus specifically on a structure that allows for X impact and ensures we hit the deadline. What support do you need to achieve that?”
• Who can I ask for feedback on the tone I use during these conversations?
  • I will ask my direct supervisor or a peer mentor to role-play a difficult coaching conversation with me, specifically asking them to critique my body language and vocal tone (not just my words). I spent 5 years as Head of Drama in the dim and distance; I do this so often, but I feel not as often as I should. The strike through is for anyone who might use this advice to grow themselves.

4. Moving so fast through my own certainty that I create silent resistance

The Problem: I see the path clearly and execute quickly. Anyone who needs more explanation feels like dead weight. Speed without alignment is just me charging ahead while my teams drag their feet. They are unconvinced, but they’ve learned questioning me is pointless.

The Action I Need to Take (Elevate Intentionality / Combat Complacency):

• What is the critical point in the next project where I need to pause specifically for an alignment check?
  • Immediately after the kick off of a meeting and before the team begins executing tasks. I will schedule a separate, 30-minute “Challenge Session” focused only on identifying risks.
• What are two specific questions I can ask to surface quiet concerns without inviting a debate?
  • “If this project failed, what would be the number one reason, and who here quietly suspects it?” Failure criteria is something I have tried before, and ironically, failed in establishing; I keep coming back to it, because I think it can work. Ask yourself, what is the ‘minimum failure cost’ of this project?
  • “If you had to put a bet on a hidden obstacle, where would you place your money?”

5. Doubling down on bad decisions because admitting mistakes feels like losing

The Problem: I have strong convictions, and changing my mind can feel like weakness. My refusal to acknowledge mistakes has the capacity to destroy my credibility.

The Action I Need to Take (Champion Growth / Inspire Deeper Connections):

• What is one recent failure I can now openly own with my team this week?
  • I will choose a small, low-stakes decision from the last quarter where I stubbornly proceeded despite early warning signs. In our next meeting, I will say: “I want to circle back to [Specific Project]. I overlooked [Specific Data Point] because I was too committed to my initial idea. I was wrong, and I apologise. The takeaway for all of us is to always prioritise evidence over conviction.”
• How can I make “What did we learn?” the first question in our next project retrospective, rather than “What went wrong?”
  • I will institute a “Lessons Learned Log” where, instead of assigning blame, every item must be formatted as: “As a result of X, we now understand Y.” I will personally contribute the first entry to model the behaviour.

Quoth The Raven Leader:

As you emerge from the terrible “pit” of self-doubt and anxious isolation, having survived the terrifying “pendulum” of your past habits, remember this truth: The most chilling horror is not the fear of the unknown, but the terror of the unexamined self.

You have peered into the abyss and catalogued the demons that held you captive—the instinct to logically dismiss emotion, the pride of brutal honesty, and the refusal to admit a mistake. By charting your path with the clear intentionality of the “2-second rule”, the empathy of “People Impact & Mitigation”, and the courage to say, “I was wrong, and I apologise”, you have seized control of the narrative.

Let the final dread be of the leader you might have been—and embrace the brighter, more connected leadership you are now determined to forge. Nevermore shall you allow the old patterns to return.

Happy Halloween.